Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Be Content

This whole two kids in school, getting up early, homework, running a business, mothering a two year old, keeping a house reasonably clean and laundry reasonable kept up, all while trying to have a life of my own (including being a good wife to an awesome husband) is really starting to wear me out. I'm tired. Seriously, dragging my feet, wishing for bedtime, sneaking in cat-naps, bone tired.

Before you say it, I completely realize none of this gets easier, or less tiring. (Comments like... "Wait until Jack gets in school." and "You know you'll have two teenage girls in high school, right." can all wait until Jack graduates from college, thank you very much.) I will have to find a way to cope and get less tired with hopefully less caffeine. And, I will. In the meantime, my current coping mechanism for dealing with all of this is daydreaming.

Lately, whenever I'm in the car, or on a run, or walking back from the morning school bus (of which are usually my non-sleeping moments alone), I think of all of these great posts about dreams and aspirations for my life. Now, most of them escape me, but wanted to get a few on paper. Here's a brief list...

- Lies I Tell Myself (Mainly based around, "If I didn't have kids, I would _______." i.e. eat less/better, work out more, read more, etc.)

- Bucket List - I've been thinking a lot about this recently. Probably because we don't have a lot of time to spare for trips around this house. So, in my dreams, I'm on a mission trip to Africa, or in some tropical locale on a beach with Tom, or working for a Presidential campaign (not volunteer - get paid - added that to the list today).

- Wish List - Much like the bucket list, but less about actual things to go and do and more about things I could do around home. For instance, learn the fiddle, become crafty (see Lies I Tell Myself), spend more quality time with the kids (again, see above), start a cool, hip blog about crocheting (seriously, go google it - there are none), etc.

These thoughts have been consuming my brain power lately. Eventually, I need to get them on paper, so I'm hopeful this will fill that need for the short term. And, if it doesn't, I'll be back to dig deeper.

For now, I'm encouraged by my sweet Josie's new favorite Bible lesson. "Be content." She learned about the Israelites in Egypt at Sunday School not being content with God's provisions, and it stuck with that kid. She asked Gram to go jump waves with her at the lake last weekend. She said, "I know I'm not being content just playing on the beach, but I really want to jump the waves." It's come up multiple times over the last two weeks and it's like it was placed on her heart just so she can place it on mine.

Be content. Realize what I have in the moment. Realize that this, like all of the other phases, won't last for long. Realize that this will be like rocking a non-sleeping newborn at 3AM and simply slip away like grains of sand through my fingers. There will be a time for all of those other, non-mothering things in my life. But, by then, all of this will all be a distant memory and I'll want just a piece of it back. Be content.

{Just one of those grains of sand I wish I could have back...}

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